Home of the Desktop Bible Reference



 TRUE STORY: A man named Rusty had a son named Charlie. Charlie was eight years old and was a little chunkier and little slower than most of the boys his age. But Charlie wanted to play football. On the way to the first football practice, Charlie’s dad told him, “Now Charlie, the coach is probably going to want you to be a lineman.” The truth is: no eight-year old boy wants to be a lineman. They all want to be a quarterback, running back, or receiver. That’s where the glory is. It’s not in being a lineman. Charlie’s dad, continued: “Now the linemen are really important because they block for the other players. The linemen don’t get to carry the ball or throw passes, but if the linemen do their job, the guys carrying the ball can make touchdowns … otherwise they can’t.” Sure enough, thirty minutes into the first practice, the coach started to place his team. He said, “Charlie, I want you to be lineman. You’ll be the right guard.” Charlie looked over to his dad with a big smile and went [thumbs up!]. He was thrilled! Maybe your Heavenly Father designed you to play a role that doesn’t get much applause. If you have a behind-the-scenes assignment where you’re blocking for others and not getting much glory, can you still be content?

TRUE STORY: It was 1929 and Georgia Tech was playing the University of California. In the first half Roy Riegals recovered a fumble for his team, USC. But in his excitement & confusion, Roy ran the wrong direction, 65 yards in the wrong direction, until one of his teammates outdistanced him and tackled him just short of the end zone. USC ultimately lost the game that day as a result of Roy’s mistake. During half time at that Rose Bowl everyone wondered what coach Nibbs Price would do. Would he bench Riegals the rest of the game? As the men sat in the dressing room, Roy was in the corner, a blanket around his shoulders, face in his hands, weeping like a baby. Finally the coach looked at the team and said, “Men, the same team that played the first half will start the second half, and that includes you Roy.” There can be times in our lives when we feel like Roy Riegals. Maybe we feel we have picked up the ball but run in the wrong direction. Not just for 65 yards, but often for many years. Maybe someone feels like it’s too late to receive this gift, and go in a new direction. But today God is still giving us the same chance that Coach Price gave Roy Riegals. Georgia Tech won that Rose Bowl, but the Georgia Tech players will tell you that they’ve never seen a man play football with the intensity As Roy Riegals did that second half.


SO … just what is this thing called evolution? What is the Darwinian delusion? Well … Darwin tell us himself, in his book, The Origin of the Species, on page 23: “Analogy would lead me to the belief that all animals and plants are descended from some one prototype.” It goes on to say: “All organic things which have ever lived on the earth may be descended from one primordial form.

To put it very succinctly, and very simply, we began as some primordial slime … then some primitive protozoa, and then, some segmented worm, and then a fish, and then an amphibian, and then a reptile, and then a bird, and then a mammal, and then a man. So, what you do is … you take nothing, and then … as time goes by … after time … plus chance … amoebas become astronauts. That’s it – just give it time.

So … “Once I was a tadpole beginning to begin; then I was a frog with my tail tucked in; then I was a monkey in a banyan tree; and now I’m a professor with a Ph.D.” (Author unknown)


We used to think there was a God, that He made mankind too; But Darwin set us right on that, man came here through the zoo. We have no God, we made ourselves, perhaps from some great star; We care not what our destiny we know not what we are. When nothing was man built himself, through nothing of the same; We also made the mighty orbs, and they from nothing came. He everything in perfect sphere, made perfect as could be; If there is a God, Man’s God himself, his throne’s a cocoanut tree. When Darwin wrote of man’s ascent the monkey said Amen; Then they chattered Higher critics rant, and are no ass-ended men. Those long-eared owls, of whom I speak, prate of development; That evolution’s all you need for future betterment. Our father’s from the jungles came, and theirs came from the sea; And seers came from God knows where so Haeckel says not me. Just stop and think of those good old days, when man was free from care; And lived like other animals at home most everywhere. Herb Spencer was a donkey then, who never had a soul; Tom Huskley was an orang-outang, a treetop was his goal. They mixed things up so terribly, we don’t know where we’re at; The world’s one great big family; you’re cousin to a cat. We’re brothers to the brutes today, the pig, the sheep, and the bull; In eating pork, lamb chops, or beef, you’re sure a cannibal. I’d hate to think my sausage skins contained my neighbor’s wife; Or when I wring a chicken’s neck I take some old friend’s life. Your grandmother was an angleworm, her mate a big tadpole; That wife or yours a scaleless fish, who never had a soul. Ed Cairwood was a guinea pig, his wife a croaking frog; But evolution helped them out with jelly from a bog. That dancing Jad was an ape, that flirt a flying squirrel; That perfumed peach a polecat was, ere he became a girl. Jack Daw was that shorthaired flip, but lost his power to fly; Some college heads were jellyfish, in Darwin’s days gone by. Oh, give us back those days so fine, those days so free from care; With wife a walrus on the ice, and I a polar bear. When aunt Jane was a crocodile, in those days ere I knew you; And uncle Jim could jump a mile, he was a kangaroo. Aunt Kate could switch and crack her tail around a bamboo tree; A tiger cat a dread female, her mate a chimpanzee. H.G. Wells was a tall giraffe, his wife a black baboon; And higher critics in those days, were microbes on prunes. Such educated ignorance, learned lunacy so vain;  Would crash essential moral law, to make its self a name. These scientific symptoms, the joke of all who think; In every bright baboonery, they search for a missing link. There are no links but missing links, as thoughtful people know; The system these people advocate, but multiply their woes. To do away with one great God, they need a thousand worse; For every change demands a power, as great as that at first. Just think there is no moral law, among us apes on earth; Vice and virtue, these are terms for things that never had birth. We’re brutes as well as animals, there’s no such thing as sin; Live as you like, it there is a heaven, old Pete will let you in. Won’t glory be a happy place, when all our folks get home? If ever we revert to type, we’ll make those angels groan.We’ll give dear old St Peter, many more woes than he has; And turn the New Jerusalem, into a jungle with jazz.


Here is a list of excuses you can use if you are caught sleeping at your desk. WOW … they told me at the blood bank this might happen – WHEW … I guess I left the lid off the liquid paper – HEY … this is one of the seven habits of highly effective people – HOW ABOUT … OH … I was working on my … Stress Level Elimination Exercise Plan. It’s too bad you interrupted me, I had almost solved one of our biggest problems …

Parents write letters to school giving excuses for their children. These are actual notes:

*Please excuse Lisa for being absent She was sick, and I had to have her shot.

*Dear school: Please ekscuse John for being absent on January 28, 29, 30, 31,32, and also 33. John has been absent because he had two teeth taken out of his face.

*Please excuse Tommy for being absent yesterday. He had diarrhea and also his boots leak.

*Please excuse Jennifer for missing school yesterday. We forgot to get the Sunday paper off the porch, and when we found it Monday, we thought it was Sunday.

Most people don’t write … an excuse when they miss church. But I did come across this: Take the 10 top reasons why people don’t go to church, and insert the phrase “Wash” instead of go to church. This is what you get:

  1. I was forced to wash as a child.
  2. People who wash are hypocrites. They think they are cleaner than others.
  3. There are so many kinds of soap, I could never decide which one was right.
  4. I used to wash, but it got boring.
  5. I wash only on Christmas & Easter.
  6. None of my friends wash.
  7. I’ll start washing when I am older.
  8. I really don’t have time to wash.
  9. The bathroom isn’t warm enough to wash
  10. The people who make soap are only after your money.

Some soldiers had been given a day of furlough. The commanding officer however became furious, when nine soldiers who had been out on pass failed to show up for morning roll call. In fact it was not until 7 p.m. that night that the first man straggled in. The soldier explained, “I’m sorry, sir,” I had a date and lost track of time. I missed the bus back, and being determined to get in on time, I hired a taxi. Halfway here, the taxi broke down. I went to a farmhouse and persuaded the farmer to sell me a horse. I was riding to camp when the animal fell over dead. I walked the last ten miles, and just got here. The colonel was so amazed with the soldier’s creativity he let the young man off with a reprimand. However, after him seven other stragglers in a row came in with the same story. They all one by one claimed they had a date, missed the bus, hired a cab, bought a horse, etc. The colonel was waiting for the ninth man to decide what to do with all of them. Finally … the ninth man reported in. “Okay,” the colonel growled, “Now what happened to you?” The soldier responded, “Sir, I had this date, and missed the bus back, so I hired a cab.” “Wait!” the colonel screeched at him. “Don’t tell me the cab broke down.” “No, sir,” replied the soldier. The cab didn’t break down. It was just that there were so many dead horses in the road we had trouble getting through.

The story is told of a man who was known to like drinking a lot of alcohol. He explained that he drank only to drown his troubles. Someone asked him, “After you drown them, why do you continue to drink?” “You don’t know my troubles,” he sighed, “My troubles are excellent swimmers.

The story is told of a man who was late for a job interview. He couldn’t find a parking spot. So finally he parked in a no parking zone. He left a note on the window. The note said: “To any officer of the law, I drove around the block several times and could not find a parking place. I cannot be late. I really need this job interview. So … please forgive my sin!” A few minutes later, the local traffic officer discovered the car. He read the man’s note, and then left a note of his own: “Dear Sir or Madam: I understand you have driven around this block several times. I understand it is hard to find a parking place. Please understand … that I have been driving around this block for the last 20 years. It is my job to cite those who violate the law, so … lead me not into temptation!”

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

Basic HTML is allowed. Your email address will not be published.

Subscribe to this comment feed via RSS

%d bloggers like this: