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I

INFORMATION:

Information alone is not enough. Sometimes students rely on a teacher to help them find truth.  They may however erroneously believe that if they hear more, or have more information, they are learning more. Information alone does not change lives. Here is Proof: Consider for a moment the person who spends hours scouring books, or websites for information about heart disease, but never makes any changes to his or her diet or exercise regimen. In other words, you discover a cure, but you don’t put your discovery into practice, so you have a heart attack anyway.

Most of what I really need to know, about how to live, and what to do, and how to be, I learned in kindergarten. Wisdom was not at the top of the graduate school mountain, but there in the sandbox at nursery school. These are the things I learned: Share everything – Play fair – Don’t hit people – Put things back where you found them – Clean up your own mess – Don’t take things that aren’t yours – Say you’re sorry when you hurt somebody – When you go outside, watch for traffic, hold hands, and stick together.

LACK OF INFORMATION:

Here is a list of true classified ads in daily newspapers … they are listed in reverse order to show who won the unknown contest:

10. Wanted. Man to take care of cow that does not smoke or drink

9. Try us once … you’ll never go anywhere again.

8. Dog for sale: eats anything and is fond of children.

7. Illiterate? Write today for free help.

6. Stock up and save. Limit: one.

5. Man wanted to work in dynamite factory. Must be willing to travel.

4. Semi-Annual after Christmas Sale.

3. For sale: antique desk suitable for lady with thick legs and large drawers.

2. We do not tear your clothing with machinery. We do it carefully by hand.

1. Used cars for sale: Why go elsewhere to be cheated. Come here first.

Those classifieds are funny, because somebody either left out, information, or misspelled, one small word or phrase. Sometimes, it’s the things you don’t notice – the little things that have the greatest value.

Sometimes you just have to ask for yourself. A woman calling a local hospital said, “Hello, I would like to talk with the person who gives the information regarding your patients. I would like to find out if a patient is getting better, doing as expected, or getting worse.” The voice on the other end of the line said, “What is the patient’s name and room number?” She said, “Sarah Finkel, in room 302.” The nurse responded, “I will connect you with the nursing station.” The third floor nursing station answered, “Hello, how can I help you?” Again the woman asked, “I would like to know the condition of Sarah Finkel in room 302.” The lady responded, “Just a moment, let me look at her records. Oh yes, Mrs. Finkel is doing very well. In fact, she’s had two full meals, her blood pressure is fine, her blood work just came back as normal, she’s going to be taken off the heart monitor in a couple of hours, and if she continues this improvement, Dr. Greer is going to send her home Tuesday at twelve o’clock.” The woman said, “Thank God! That is wonderful! Oh that is fantastic! That is just wonderful news.” The nurse said, “From your enthusiasm, I take it you must be a close family member, or a very close friend.” The lady replied, “No, not exactly, I am Sarah Finkel in room 302, and nobody around here tells me anything.”

Life is different in the country. You never know the story until you hear the whole story. It seems that one-day an elderly farmer was involved in an accident. A car driven by another man had hit his mule-drawn wagon. The farmer was suing the driver, claiming personal injuries as a result of the accident. When the farmer was on the witness stand, the attorney for the driver of the car was grilling him. “Tell me sir, isn’t it true that after the accident, you said that you never felt better in your life?” “Well,” the farmer began, “That morning I got up, and hitched my mule to the wagon. I put my hound dog in the seat beside me, and I started down the road.” The lawyer interrupted, “Please, just give me a simple yes or no answer to the question.” The judge directed the lawyer to le the farmer have his way in answering the question. “Well,” the farmer said again, “That morning I got up, and hitched my mule to the wagon. I put my hound dog in the seat beside me, and I started down the road. As I went down the road, this big car barreled into the rear of my wagon. My mule was knocked to the side of the road, my dog was knocked to the other side, and I was pinned under the seat. Directly a policeman came along. He saw my mule’s legs were broke; he pulled out his pistol and shot him dead. He went over to my dog, seen it was hurt real bad too, and shot it in the head. Then he came over to me and asked, ‘Well, how are you feeling? And sure enough, I said, officer, I never felt better in my life.”

A preacher visited an elderly lady from his congregation. As he sat on the sofa he noticed a big bowl of peanuts on the coffee table. He asked, “Okay if I have a few?” “No, not at all,” she replied. They chatted for an hour and when the preacher stood up to leave he noticed that instead of eating a few peanuts, he had emptied most of the bowl. He said, “I’m sorry for eating all of your peanuts, I meant to only eat just a few.” She said, “Oh, that’s okay. Ever since I lost my teeth, all I can do is suck the chocolate off of them anyway.”

Charles Steinmetz retired from working at General Electric Company after a life long career. A few months later a particular system broke down. The engineers were stumped. After two weeks of trying they still had not fixed the system. The company decided to call Charles to come back in as a consultant. Charles inspected the machinery, and after about an hour he marked an “X” on the defective part. They immediately replaced the part and everything started working great. Charles sent them a bill for ten thousand dollars. The manager protested, and asked for an itemization of the costs. Charles wrote on the bill, “Making a chalk mark, one dollar, knowing where to make the chalk mark, $9,999.00.

I.Q. TEST:

It doesn’t hurt to take a hard look at your own self from time to time. And this should help you get started: During a visit to the mental asylum, a visitor asked the director what the criterion was which defined whether or not a patient should be institutionalized. “Well,” said the director, “We fill up a bath tub, and then we offer a teaspoon, a teacup, and a bucket to the patient. We then ask him or her to empty the bath tub.” “Oh, I understand.” Said the visitor. A normal person would use the bucket because it’s bigger than the spoon or the teacup.” “No,” said the director, “A normal person would just pull the plug. Do you want a bed near a window?”

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