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MANNA:

TRUE STORY: Paul Harvey tells the story of Modern Day Manna. From 1942 until 1973, every Friday night, a man named Eddie would go down and visit an old broken pier on the eastern seacoast of Florida. He would walk slowly and slightly stooped. He would carry a large bucket of shrimp. The sea gulls would flock to this old man, and he would feed them from his bucket. Why would he do this? It was a gratitude that never faded. You see, many years before, in October of 1942, Captain Eddie Rickenbacker was on a mission in a B-17 to deliver an important message to General Douglas Macarthur in New Guinea. But there was an unexpected detour, which would hurl Captain Eddie into the most harrowing adventure of his life. Somewhere over the South Pacific, the plane crew became lost beyond the reach of radio. Fuel ran dangerously low, so the men ditched their plane in the ocean. For nearly a month, Captain Eddie and his companions would fight the water, the weather, and the scorching sun. They spent many sleepless nights recoiling as giant sharks rammed their rafts. The largest raft was nine by five. The biggest shark was ten feet long. But of all their enemies at sea, one proved most formidable: starvation. Eight days out, their rations were long gone, or destroyed by the salt water. It would take a miracle to sustain them, but a miracle occurred. In Captain Eddie’s own words, “Cherry,” that was the B- 17 pilot, Captain William Cherry, led the men in prayer that day for deliverance. They also sang a hymn of praise. After a bit, they had all dozed off.” Some time later, something landed on Eddie’s head. He knew immediately that it was a sea gull. Paul Harvey concludes: “and the rest … as they say, is history. Without saying a word, Captain Eddie caught the gull. Its flesh was eaten, and its intestines were used for bait to catch fish. The survivors were sustained and their hopes renewed, because a lone sea gull, offered itself as a sacrifice. Now … you know that Captain Eddie made it. And now you also know that he never forgot. Because from then on, every Friday evening, about sunset, on a lonely stretch along the eastern Florida seacoast you could see an old man walking … white-haired, bushy-eye-browed, and slightly bent. His bucket filled with shrimp was to feed the gulls … to remember that one, who on a day long past, gave itself without a struggle … like manna in the wilderness.

MARRIAGE:

A big rancher in Texas wanted to know the intentions of the young man that was dating his daughter. He filled up his huge swimming pool with alligators. He then announced that any man who could swim through that pool of alligators could have either have his daughter’s hand in marriage or five acres of property. About that time you cold hear a splash, and about sixty seconds later the young man crawled out of the other end of the pool. “Wow,” said the rancher, “Well what do you want my daughter or the land.” The young man replied, “Neither, I want to know the name of the guy who pushed me in!”

A young man and woman decided to get married. As the big day approached, they both grew a little apprehensive. Each had a problem they had never before shared with anyone, and certainly not with each other. The groom-to-be decided to ask his father for advice, “Dad what do I do? You see, I have terribly smelly feet. I’m afraid that my future wife will not be able to stand them.” “No problem,” said dad, ‘All you have to do is wash your feet as often as possible, and always wear socks, even to bed.” Well, it seemed to him that this was a workable solution. The-bride-to-be decided to take her problem to her mom. “Mom, what do I do? You see, when I wake up in the morning my breath is truly awful. I’m afraid that my future husband will not want to sleep in the same room with me.” “No problem,” said Mom, Every morning, get straight out of bed, head for the bathroom, and brush your teeth. The key is not to say a word until you have brushed your teeth. Well, to her this seemed to be a workable solution. The loving couple was married and each followed the advice to the tee. That is until about six months later. One morning, shortly before dawn, the husband woke with a start to find that one of his socks had come off. Fearful of the consequences, he frantically searched the bed. This of course, woke his bride, who, without thinking, immediately asked, “What on earth are you doing?” “Oh, no!” he gasped in shock, “You’ve swallowed my sock!”

Did you hear about the guy who received this note from an ex-girl friend? “Dearest Jimmy, No words could ever express the great unhappiness I’ve felt since breaking our engagement. Please say you’ll take me back. No one could ever take your place in my heart, so please forgive me. I love you, I love you, I love you! Yours forever, Marie … P.S. And congratulations on winning the state lottery.

A preacher: was conducting a wedding. It came to the part of that all-important question, “Do you take this man for better or worse?” The woman answered, “Well, he can’t get any worse, and there is no hope for him getting any better, So I’ll take him … ‘As is.’ ”

The story is told of a couple from out east that always dreamed of owning a cattle ranch. They finally saved enough money to buy their dream spread in Wyoming. The man’s best friend flew out to visit and asked, “So, what’s the name of your ranch?” He told him that he had a really hard time coming up with a name that he liked. He and his wife couldn’t agree on what to call it so they settled on, “The Double R Lazy L Triple Horseshoe Bar-7 Lucky Diamond Ranch.” His friend was really impressed and then asked, “So where are all the cows?” To which the new rancher replied, “We had quite a few … but none of them survived the branding!”

I understand … there was a woman who dreamed of owning a new Ferrari sports car. When her husband asked what she wanted for her birthday, she told him … “I want you to surprise me with something that goes from 0 to 200 in sixty seconds.” She just knew he would understand. He bought her a shiny new silver bathroom scale. The funeral is on Tuesday.

A pastor’s wife took her overworked husband to the doctor. The doctor took the wife aside and whispered, “I don’t like the way he looks.” She responded, “I don’t either, but he’s always been a good father to our children.”

Have your ever heard a story like this? The husband is watching football, and the wife wants to talk.

She: Honey the plumber didn’t come to fix the leak behind the water heater today.

He: Uh – Huh …

She: So the pipe burst and flooded the basement.

He: Honey can this wait, it’s third down and Goal to go.

She: Some of the wiring got wet and almost executed fluffy.

He: Oh – shucks touchdown. … Come on guys!

She: The vet says Fluffy will be better in about a week.

He: Can you get me something to drink?

She: Dear the plumber finally came; he said he was happy our pipe broke because now he can afford to go on vacation.

He: Aren’t you listening, I said I need something to drink?

She: Stanley … I’m leaving you. The plumber and I are flying to Acapulco in the morning.

He: Can’t you stop all that yakking and get me something to drink? The trouble around here is nobody listens.

Pastor George Crane tells of a wife who came into his office full of hatred toward her husband. She said, “I do not only want to get rid of him, I want to get even. Before I divorce him, I want to hurt him as much as he has me.” Dr. Crane suggested an ingenious plan. “Go home and act as if you really love your husband. Tell him how much he means to you. Praise him for every decent trait. Go out of your way to be as kind, considerate, and generous as possible. Spare no efforts to please him, to enjoy him. Make him believe you love him. After you’ve convinced him of your undying love, and that you cannot live without him, then drop the bomb. Tell him that you’re getting a divorce. That will really hurt him.” With revenge in her eyes, she smiled and exclaimed, “Beautiful, beautiful, will he ever be surprised!” She went home, and she did it with enthusiasm. Acting “as if she really loved him.” For two months she showed love, kindness, listening, giving, reinforcing, and sharing. When she didn’t return, Pastor Crane called. “Are you ready now to go through with the divorce?” “Divorce?” she exclaimed, “Never! I discovered I really do love him.” Her actions had changed her feelings. Motion resulted in emotion. The ability to love is established not so much by fervent promise, but by often-repeated deeds.

Please don’t think that I think that all problems in marriage are the woman’s fault. This one however might have been. There was a man who was driving down the street when his wife looked over at her husband who was behind the steering wheel. She looked and said, “Do you remember how we used to sit so close in the car when we were young. “ The husband looked over and said, “Well honey, I haven’t moved.”

Perhaps this story will even things out. A husband went to the doctor to ask some questions about his wife. It seems he felt she was getting hard of hearing. He asked the doctor if there was some way to tell without bring her in. The wise doctor gave him a great plan. Go home, stand about twenty-five feet away, and in a normal voice ask her what she is cooking for dinner. If she doesn’t respond, take intermediate steps around five feet at a time and keep asking until she responds. The husband went home, and at twenty-five feet away he asked his wife the question, but there was no response. He tried again at twenty feet, fifteen feet, ten feet, and finally at five feet. It was at that point that he did hear his wife say, “For the fifth time dear, we are having chicken.”

One couple couldn’t even agree on what color to paint their house. She wanted to paint the house green, but he wanted to paint the house brown. Eventually they compromised and painted the house green.

A pastor was retiring after forty years in the ministry. As he came to clear out the bedroom to the parsonage, he found a small bowl with five eggs and one thousand dollars in cash. Baffled, he called his wife in and said, “Darling, what is this little basket under the bed with five eggs and all this money?” “Oh,” she said, “Well, dear, you see, every time you gave a bad sermon, I put an egg in that basket.” Secretly, the pastor was so pleased as he thought, “Not bad, only five bad sermons in over forty years.” Then he asked, “And what about the thousand dollars?” She sheepishly responded, “Well, every time I had a dozen, I sold them.”

An 85 year old couple Christian couple, married 60 years, died in a car crash. They lived so long because the wife was strict on nutrition. Arriving in heaven, St. Peter took them to their extraordinary mansion. As they “oohed and aahed, the man asked Peter how much all this was going to cost. “It’s free,” Peter replied, “this is Heaven!” Next they went to see the golf course & prime fishing lake behind their mansion. The man asked, “What are the green fees?” Peter answered, “This is heaven, you play for free and no cost for fishing!” Next they went to the clubhouse and saw the lavish buffet lunch with 5-star cuisines laid out. Again the man asked, “How much to eat?” Peter replied, “Don’t you understand yet? This is heaven, it is free!” The man thought for a minute and said, “Well OK, where are the low fat and low cholesterol tables?” Peter said, “That’s the best part, you can eat as much as you like of whatever you like and you never get fat and you never get sick. This is Heaven.” With that the man went into a fit of exasperation … Good grief! When his wife tried to calm him down, he said, “This is all your fault. If it weren’t for your blasted bran muffins, I could have been here ten years ago!”

NOT A TRUE STORY: Three couples were standing in line, waiting to get through the gates of heaven. St Peter was doing the interviewing. He asked the first man his wife’s name, to which he responded, “Penny.” St Peter looked inside his book and responded, “Oh, it’s you, look at you. Money, money, money, that’s all you ever think about. Why you even married a woman named Penny. Sorry, you are in the wrong line. The next couple stepped up, and St Peter asked the man for his wife’s name. He responded, “Candy.” St Peter looked inside his book and responded, “Oh, it’s you, look at you. Food, food, food, that’s all you ever think about. Why you even married a woman named Candy. Sorry, you are in the wrong line. The next man took his wife by the hand and voluntarily stepped out of the line. As they left he said to his wife, “Come on Fanny, I think we are in the wrong line.”

MISTAKES:

The story is told about a traveler … In between flights at an airport she bought a small package of cookies. She then sat down in this busy place to glance over the newspaper. As she read she became increasingly aware of a rustling noise. Peeking over her newspaper, she was shocked to see a well-dressed gentleman sitting across from her. He was helping himself to her cookies. Half angry and half-embarrassed, she reached over and gently slid the package closer to her. She took one out and began to munch on it. A minute or so passed before she heard more rustling. The man had taken another cookie! By now … there was only one left in the package. Though beside herself, she didn’t want to make a scene so she said nothing. Finally, as if to add insult to injury … the man broke the remaining cookie into two pieces, pushed one piece across the table to her with a frown. He gulped down his half and left without even saying thank you. She sat there dumbfounded. “Of all the nerve!” Some time later when her flight was announced, the woman opened her handbag to get her ticket. To her shock … there, in her purse was her package of unopened cookies. And somewhere in that airport was another traveler. He was still trying to figure out how that strange woman could have been so forward and insensitive!

There is a story about two farmers who were rivals. Two Kentucky farmers, who both owned racing stables, even though they were friends, over time they became fierce competitors. One spring, each of them entered a horse in a local steeplechase. Both farmers hired a professional rider to help him outdo his friend. The two horses were leading the race at the last fence, until the un-imaginable happened. Both horses fell, and both riders fell off. But, one of the jockeys quickly jumped back on the horse and won the race. When the jockey found the farmer who had hired him. He was fuming with rage. “What’s the matter?” the jockey asked. I won, didn’t I?” “Oh, yes,” roared the farmer. “You won all right, but you still don’t know, do you?” “Know what?” asked the jockey. “You won the race on the wrong horse.” While this situation does not occur often at horse races, it happens in human life. Each of us, trying hard to win the race, but sometimes we climb on the wrong horse. If we do not discover our error, we cross the finish line a triumphant failure.

It started out as a not so happy telephone exchange between an angry customer and an apologetic Domino’s Pizza: Customer: The angry caller said, “Listen … I ordered a Pizza & it came with no toppings on it or anything, its Just bread. The Domino’s employee responded: We’re so sorry to hear about this! … “Wait,” said the customer … Oh … wait a minute … never mind, I just realized I opened the pizza box upside down.’

A man called his travel agent, furious about an Orlando, Florida vacation package he had booked for his family. He had been expecting an ocean-view hotel room. The travel agent explained that was not possible, since Orlando is in the middle of 
the state. “Don’t lie to me,” he said. 
“I looked on the map, and Florida is a very thin state.”

A customer looked at an ad for a hedge clipper that 
he had to read twice: “A built-in safety switch prevents accidental starting, and blades will stop when you take one hand off.”

Did you hear the story about the man who walked up to a vending machine, put in a coin, pressed the buttons labeled, Coffee … Double cream … Sugar. The motor began to whir, but no cup appeared. The nozzles however went into action, sending forth hot water, coffee, cream and sugar, just as he wanted. After the proper amounts had gone down the drain, the machine turned off. The man thought to himself, “I have been ripped off!” The thing is however … He really wanted some coffee. So he decided to risk trying it again. This time he carefully read the menu … and this time for the first time … He noticed that there was another choice at the very top. SO THIS TIME HE PUSHED THE BUTTON THAT SAID CUP … And sure enough … this time the cup came just prior to all the ingredients.

 

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